This was the last photograph I took because I wanted to.
It’s always a struggle (and a bit of a cliche) for creatives to walk the fine line of being prolific and being burnt out. While you get better with each shoot, you reach a plateau and discover there is only so much inspiration that you can squeeze out of sheer willpower.
My camera has been sitting in the corner and the only times I would pick it up, was because I had to. I never thought I would resent it, (I mean, imagine being forced fed chocolate. Hard to think I would normally have a problem with that) but I did. Not photography itself, but the gnawing guilt that I wasn’t putting enough into my creative side and it started feeling like a chore.
Something has to change.
I miss the love. The compulsion. The well-worn grip of my camera being a comfort in my hand. I miss the feeling that I was constantly taking pictures with my mind’s eye, even if there wasn’t a camera in sight. And I miss seeing things like the image above. Where a noisy, crowded street could become quiet and beautiful just by the light.
To say that I’m burnt out, would be a bit of an understatement. I desperately need a break. Most of this is to do with school and extra curriculars but there’s been a lot going on lately. It’s not just in photography, although it manifests itself most obviously here.
The last 2 months have been an enormous struggle. I’m not much of an exhibitionist and am generally very shy about delving into too much personal stuff but sometimes you hit the wall and realize there needs to be a change.
So, I’m taking a break from commissions, and going to shoot only personal projects for a while (if at all). I might post them, I might not. I’m going to spend more time with the people I love. I’m going to put my nose to the grind stone, hammer out what I need to for exams, moots, applications, and make it through to Christmas… and hopefully not collapse
And I’m going to write more. Before there was photography (and the internet), there was pen and paper. I used to scribble furiously (not saying that any of it was good) but it was a release. I’m going to write more about stuff, rather than make this just a place where I post pictures I’ve taken.
A friend of mine once mentioned that personal blogs without a theme, generally devolve into a mass of angst and stupidity. Generally… I sort of agree. I don’t have a lot of patience for them. And I really don’t like drama.
But I have a lot going on outside of photography – and every now and then I think: “that might be fun to blog about”. I come across recipe blogs, career blogs, blogs on creative writing… So.. I’m just going to write. And post. Some of it might be about school, some about stuff in HK.. and I’m going to climb out of the box I’ve put myself in.
We’ll see where this all goes.