This was the last photograph I took because I wanted to.

It’s always a struggle (and a bit of a cliche) for creatives to walk the fine line of being prolific and being burnt out. While you get better with each shoot, you reach a plateau and discover there is only so much inspiration that you can squeeze out of sheer willpower.

My camera has been sitting in the corner and the only times I would pick it up, was because I had to. I never thought I would resent it, (I mean, imagine being forced fed chocolate. Hard to think I would normally have a problem with that) but I did. Not photography itself, but the gnawing guilt that I wasn’t putting enough into my creative side and it started feeling like a chore.

Something has to change.

I miss the love. The compulsion. The well-worn grip of my camera being a comfort in my hand. I miss the feeling that I was constantly taking pictures with my mind’s eye, even if there wasn’t a camera in sight. And I miss seeing things like the image above. Where a noisy, crowded street could become quiet and beautiful just by the light.

To say that I’m burnt out, would be a bit of an understatement. I desperately need a break. Most of this is to do with school and extra curriculars but there’s been a lot going on lately. It’s not just in photography, although it manifests itself most obviously here.

The last 2 months have been an enormous struggle. I’m not much of an exhibitionist and am generally very shy about delving into too much personal stuff but sometimes you hit the wall and realize there needs to be a change.

So, I’m taking a break from commissions, and going to shoot only personal projects for a while (if at all). I might post them, I might not. I’m going to spend more time with the people I love. I’m going to put my nose to the grind stone, hammer out what I need to for exams, moots, applications, and make it through to Christmas… and hopefully not collapse

And I’m going to write more. Before there was photography (and the internet), there was pen and paper. I used to scribble furiously (not saying that any of it was good) but it was a release. I’m going to write more about stuff, rather than make this just a place where I post pictures I’ve taken.

A friend of mine once mentioned that personal blogs without a theme, generally devolve into a mass of angst and stupidity. Generally… I sort of agree. I don’t have a lot of patience for them. And I really don’t like drama.

But I have a lot going on outside of photography – and every now and then I think: “that might be fun to blog about”. I come across recipe blogs, career blogs, blogs on creative writing… So.. I’m just going to write. And post. Some of it might be about school, some about stuff in HK.. and I’m going to climb out of the box I’ve put myself in.

We’ll see where this all goes.

Around the fifth month or so, I start to feel the usual restlessness, a sense of frustration like being crammed in the back seat of a packed car on a long road trip. It’s one part claustrophobia, and two parts wanderlust.

Between the three internships, classes and exams this summer, there hasn’t been much time left for R&R. Thankfully I was able to block off a few days. There was a lot of last minute emails, and fighting the ever-present feeling that maybe something had slipped between the cracks, I crammed some clothes and my photography gear into a rucksack and hit the road.

10 hours later, I got off the overnight bus at 5AM and found myself back in Yangshuo.

AAAHhhh.

Despite having lived in a city my whole life, I cannot wait to get away. There is something about getting back to nature, hitting the trails on a mountain bike or spending the day rock climbing that no spa or retail therapy can ever replenish for me.

I wiped out speeding downhill on my bike, am slightly bruised and cut from an intense climb, and I can’t tell you how good it feels.

It feels like like the last few months were an unending blur of deadlines, exams and work (which it was). But having a few days to get back to my roots, travel, climb and photograph… I’m feeling like myself again.

Is there anything as luxurious as lingering over high tea with a good friend?

I snapped a few shots today with my iPhone – nothing fancy. The tea and scones more than made up for my lack of SLR-ness.

This brings me back to my favorite memory of my grandmother, at high tea at the Peninsula. I remember her as a wild child disguised in pearls. She taught me that the best lived-life is finding peace with contradiction: success is managing a series of failures. Wealth is giving generously and freely. A rebel can still be a lady.

High tea is a rare reminder for me to slow down and remember the important things in life. I am so thankful for the wonderful people who encourage me and keep me grounded. And of course, girl friends to giggle with and savor the rare tranquil moment in an otherwise hectic life.

The first few strides of a race are pure adrenaline. I barely feel the track and wonder if my legs are actually sprinting or just wildly flailing. My stride feels freakishly long to me but I in the corner of my eyes, I see the others give way to nothing but the red track. Can I actually be ahea….? Then, the fumble. Quite literally tripping over my own feet. That sinking realization that I was right.. my strides were freakishly long. I stumble and hit hit the track, but before I allow myself time to hear a response from the stands (probably a roar of laughter) I throw myself back up right and towards the girls who had by now, obviously run past me.

I am a sprinter. I love the sensation of running, but asthma and pitiful endurance sort of restricted my track and field options. On the flip side, I loved the intensity and excitement of sprinting. The seconds at the starting line, waiting for the horn alone was one of the most electrifying feelings. There was no strategy, no careful calculation, conserving energy and pacing yourself as you ran around the track. It was all over in a few seconds. You threw everything you had into one moment, and you made it count.

In many ways, being a sprinter is an instinct I have to fight against. Particularly in law school. Law school is not some mad dash in one blaze of glory. It’s a slow grind.

I’ve just made it through my second semester. This summer is going to be equally packed with internships and classes. It all begins on Monday. We got one (measly) week off to recuperate before launching back into the thick of the JD. I can hardly believe how fast it’s gone by.

I once read that the mark of a great leader is one that looks out the window during success, and into the mirror when there’s failure. I think that is really wise. While the term grades haven’t come out yet, I am taking this opportunity to take stock of how this past year has been.

I struggle with the urge to sprint. When I find something I am deeply passionate about, I feel an irresistible urge to pour everything I have into it… and then run the risk of burning out. Three quarters into a semester, I always feel completely drained, like there is no way I can slog through another case, or have the mental fortitude to keep all the balls up in the air.

My very favorite person is a runner. A long distance runner. There are so many ways that I wish I were more like him, but particularly with the marathon-mentality. When I’m rattling off my latest hair-brained scheme, or overloading on side projects, he raises an eyebrow and reminds me that I need to pace myself. To keep my eyes fixed on the finish line, not just the next 100 meters.

I find that I may stumble and indeed often fall. But having amazing people in your life make all the difference. They teach me how to handle both success and failure with grace. What I remember from that race in high school, what I’m most proud of.. is not the gold medal I eventually won the end. Rather the knowledge that despite stumbling, I picked myself up and finished the race.

The irony is.. I don’t think anyone other than me remembers that I fell.

There was a genuine richness in experiences this year unlike any other. It’s not the traveling, or the grad-schooling. It was the relationships that were formed. I went to Beijing expecting to improve my language skills and maybe do some traveling on the side. It was supposed to be a study-abroad experience. Too long to be just a tourist, but not long enough to set roots down. I did not expect the depth of my friendships, how much Beijing came to feel like home, and how hard it would be to leave. They are the most amazing of people. People whose adventures sprint off the beaten track, whose stories wind around the globe several times over, and inspire me to think outside the box, and to fix my horizon on more than just the conventional.

As much as I miss them, I am so excited to be back in Hong Kong, and at the start of what has been my lifelong dream. A few weeks ago, my brother sent me this youtube video. There is something in the simplicity that resonates with me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched it.

If new year is about forming resolutions, then this video summarizes a life resolution. What I want my life to look like if I were to play it in fast-motion when I’m old.

Life should be a wild, passionate dance around the world, even when it looks crazy to outsiders looking in. It’s not about the places you go, but the people who join you along the way. When you set off in search of your dreams, it is always risky. But if you are really lucky – you will find truly amazing people who will join in with the same wild abandon.

May 2011 bring you one step closer to your horizons. To my incredible friends, who have inspired, supported and believed in me, I love you all. Fiercely. Whether you are in Hong Kong, Beijing, New York, Vancouver, Toronto, Florence. You will always have a place to stay… wherever I happen to be for the moment.

Much love,

Eva

It’s been nine weeks since law school began. In this short time, I’ve been pushed, challenged and have grown immensely. My intellectual horizons are broader than they’ve ever been, but the flip-side is my physical horizons have shrunk considerably. To 80.5 km sq to be exact. Intentionally or not, my parents raised a nomad and I am prone to restlessness when confined for long. And when you’re bogged down with endless cases, midterms and essays to write, the horizon seems terribly far away.

So last weekend, I revolted. And by revolted, I mean I pried myself away from the books for a day. I hopped on a ferry with no particular plan in mind and an hour later, I found myself on Peng Chau island. Aka, paradise.

I equate Hong Kong with an international metropolis. Giant skyscrapers, cramped, busy streets and a fast-paced life. But now and then, it’s also nice see a different side of life.

Life in HK is busy, messy and stressful. Sometimes it’s nice to spend an afternoon climbing barefoot on rocks, breathing in the salty-sweet air, and feel the sun warming your skin. Times like this, I truly marvel at how blessed I am to live in such an amazing place. Where an escape from the law books is just a short boat ride away.

The problem with the later situation however, is that when life gets busy, your brain is also busy. And when my head is so stuffed with ideas, it either must find expression or I go through days where the frustration is almost palpable. I file away ideas for shoots, ideas for blog entries and all sorts of adventures. But I don’t think I am the type of person who can be content with just ideas. No matter how neatly filed they are.

I am immensely enjoying law school. Immensely. I realize how crazy that makes me sound, but the feeling at times is like when I’m behind the lens. When I am fully engaged in something that feels so natural and is an extension of my interests and talents. It doesn’t mean I think I’m good at it, but much like photography, I can’t suppress the urge to learn more about it.

I came across this amazing video the other day. If you have a few minutes, it’s really worth watching. It’s beautifully shot, makes you think and in my case, it makes me dream. People are always surprised when they find out I’m a law student and a serious photographer. More often then not, they’re looking to talk me out of at least one of those fields. But to me… it makes perfect sense. Photographs exist because we want to remember. We want to remember the experiences and individuals that are important to us. When you photograph a person, it is an affirmation of their inherent worth. When I photograph, I champion a cause. An individual. The value of their voice and story. It is the same passion that drives my interest in advocacy and law.

Projects like this, remind me that life is too short to do anything that you don’t love so much it hurts. Sometimes that means going to the frontiers with a camera. And sometimes it means being stubborn enough to insist that it’s possible to reconcile a dichotomy such as law and photography.

Before you walk into your first day of grad school, I hope three things for you. Firstly, that you will not be late. I would hate that sheepishly slinking into your seat be the first impression your professor has of you. Second, that you keep your wits about you; neither dying of absolute fright on the spot at hearing your name called (it might only be roll-call) nor become so intimidated by the brilliance of your fellow students that you throw in the towel before you’ve even tried. Remember that nothing of value comes without hard work and sacrifice, so take a deep breath, bunker down and nose to the grindstone. Lastly, and my greatest wish for you is to maintain perspective. You may feel like you’ve signed your soul away, along with your life savings in choosing grad school, but this is an experience that will only enrich you. Remember that there is life outside of text books, and above all else, to stay humble and grateful to everyone that has lifted you up to where you are.

Try not to think of everyone else looking around the room as if they’re sizing up the competition, and that grades are a zero-sum game with only so many A’s to go around. Instead, think of them as the faces that will only grow more familiar and comforting as the weeks and months tumbleweed into mounding pressure and deadlines. These are the future friends you will make, and you will learn and receive much if you are willing to be open.

Adventures come in many shapes and forms. As much as I know you crave to be out on the road with your beloved Nikon, grad school will be one wild ride. The horizon holds much in store for you. Relax. You will be back out in the Himalayas with the highland nomads before you know it.

Sincerely,

Eva of Sunday Afternoon.

(photographed en route to Mt. Everest)

My birthday happens to be in early September. I hated this growing up. More often than not, it fell on the first few days of school. And while back to school meant seeing friends, for our family it usually meant another nerve-wrecking first day in yet another a new school for a very timid child.

Anyone who knows me and is snorting at the idea of me as a shy kid, those days of timidity are long over and this September afternoon finds me extremely grateful to be turning a year older. I think the key to having a great birthday is a year well-lived. And my quarter-century year, if I might say so.. was pretty freaking spectacular. So this entry is dedicated to those incredible people who made this year so memorable. I don’t know what I would do without you guys

This was the year of:

Adventures, new horizons, conquering fears and self-discovery. Joining a truck full of Amdo Tibetans on pilgrimage. Getting left behind on Mt. Everest. Altitude sickness. Roach-boating down the Yangtze and watching dawn break over Nam-Tso Lake.

This was the year of rediscovering childhood with new-found friends. Silly sleepovers and pow-wows with the girls. A running dive off a three-story ice slide in a winter wonderland. Dancing into the turn of a new decade and watching the sunrise at Tienanmen with your best friend.

This was the year of much, much learning and discovery. The realization that how long you’ve known someone doesn’t directly correlate with how great their impact on your life.

And lastly, this was the year of creativity, collaboration and artistic expression. Finding like-minded spirits who in a heartbeat, will climb into the ruins of a fast-disappearing world and the next moment be engrossed in long, ambling conversations into the wee hours of the night. For relationships who believed in me when I doubted and urged me to push beyond my comfort zones.

In three days, I start graduate school. Something I’ve wanted my entire life. With an incredible year behind me.. I have high expectations. No doubt much will be asked of me in turn. I realized this morning that I have spent the past six birthdays in a different city each year, and I have no idea where I’ll be this time next year. But here’s to everyone who inspired me, made me laugh, and lifted me up. You guys give me the confidence to go barreling towards the great unknown

Here’s to looking forward to another amazing year.

xoxo,

Eva

The Chans are reunited! My wonderful brother met up with Melissa and I in Xi’an on Sunday night, along with two of our friends from Hong Kong. Our dynamic duo is now a rabble of travelers. We are at a funky hostel in Xi’an called the Han Tang Inn. And naturally, terracotta warriors greet us at every corner.

Something all hostels should have: kittens. While settling in and waiting for the guys to arrive, three tiny kittens wandered into our dorm. I am immediately obsessed. My first night is somewhat sleepless, due to the constant purring from a tiny white kitten who has decided to curl up next to me in bed. It’s like sleeping next to a tiny furry engine.

Xi’an is one of the ancient capitals of China. Most famous now for the terracotta warriors uncovered in the 70′s. It is also the one place I promised I wouldn’t go without my brother, who is a big history buff. Oh man.. it did not disappoint. My jaw hit the floor as we walked inside a live archaeological dig the size of an aircraft hanger, with hundreds of soldiers standing in battle-ready formation. Perhaps the only thing I enjoyed more than the actual warriors was my brother’s constant stream of commentary and obvious excitement

This morning we headed towards Hua Shan, one of Taoism’s holiest mountains. Having been in the Himalayas and the famed Yangshuo carsts, I wondered how much I would be impressed by Hua Shan. In truth, the Lonely Planet doesn’t do it justice. The five peaks are all around 2000m each, and the hike up is more often climbing up a vertical stone ladder while gripping a metal chain. It was a grueling afternoon, and it didn’t help that our 2 hour ride back to the city was spent on flimsy plastic stools in between the aisle of the bus. Oof. Think of it as the post-hike anti-stretch.

Tomorrow evening we head back to Beijing. It’s hard to believe that my trip is more or less over. It feels like yesterday I was just touching down in Lhasa with my entire summer stretching before me. We’ll still be touring around Beijing, but I’m simultaneously wrapping up my apartment and this time next week… I’ll be back in Hong Kong preparing for the next chapter. Eep.

Naturally this means I have a ton of images to work through.. a photographer’s trip is never over Ok. I am totally beat. Time for sleep.. zzzzz..