A few weeks ago I was asked to do a series of mini portrait sessions. I was more than happy to help out and the shoots were a fun break from studying. Everyone was happy with the results – except one. It wasn’t the quality of the images, the lighting or post processing – it was wrinkles, aging and ugliness. I was floored. What? Here was a woman, easily one of the most beautiful girls in our class – and brilliant too. Someone I secretly had a huge girlcrush on. And our perception couldn’t be more different.

As a photographer I’ve had the privilege of shooting some truly beautiful people over the years – beautiful inside and out. But working with women sometimes can break your heart. Because looking through the lens often reveals years of insecurity, worry and self-doubt. Where I see beauty and vitality, others only see wrinkles, freckles, chubby cheeks and dark circles.

My greatest photographic triumph isn’t an exhibition, a major client or capturing some show-stopping image in a remote corner of the earth. When I was just starting out, I photographed a gorgeous girl and on sharing the images with her, she told me “I never though I could be so beautiful.” To this day, hearing that is such a thrill. To allow someone to see them as I see them, to give them confidence, reminds me why I do what I do.

I came across this awesome video this morning and couldn’t wait to share. It’s a commercial by Dove, but it also poignantly captures how critical we can be of ourselves – especially women.

And just because I know I can use a reminder to be kinder to myself, here’s my favorite self portrait. It is not perfect. My hair is blowing over my face, my lips are tinged blue, and I’ve got dark circles from sleep deprivation. My skin is breaking out and feels terrible. I feel like crap because I’ve been trekking in Tibet and have been really struggling with the altitude. But when I look at this, I remember dawn breaking over Nam-Tso lake and relive the entire experience. A few years ago, I would never have imagined traveling so far on my own, or that I could endure such a physical challenge. So when I look at this image, instead of all my imperfections I want to see courage, endurance and fearlessness. We are capable of so much. Beauty and limitation begin with our thoughts and end with self perception.

I find I have about a six month shelf life when it comes to living in a city.

Around the fifth month or so, I start to feel the usual restlessness, a sense of frustration like being crammed in the back seat of a packed car on a long road trip. It’s one part claustrophobia, and two parts wanderlust.

Between the three internships, classes and exams this summer, there hasn’t been much time left for R&R. Thankfully I was able to block off a few days. There was a lot of last minute emails, and fighting the ever-present feeling that maybe something had slipped between the cracks, I crammed some clothes and my photography gear into a rucksack and hit the road.

10 hours later, I got off the overnight bus at 5AM and found myself back in Yangshuo.

AAAHhhh.

Despite having lived in a city my whole life, I cannot wait to get away. There is something about getting back to nature, hitting the trails on a mountain bike or spending the day rock climbing that no spa or retail therapy can ever replenish for me.

I wiped out speeding downhill on my bike, am slightly bruised and cut from an intense climb, and I can’t tell you how good it feels.

It feels like like the last few months were an unending blur of deadlines, exams and work (which it was). But having a few days to get back to my roots, travel, climb and photograph… I’m feeling like myself again. :)

Sometimes there are lapses in my blogging because I’m not sure I have anything interesting to say. Other times, it’s because life is racing by at such a dizzying pace that I struggle to find time reply to emails, let alone reflect and write something semi-coherent.

The problem with the later situation however, is that when life gets busy, your brain is also busy. And when my head is so stuffed with ideas, it either must find expression or I go through days where the frustration is almost palpable. I file away ideas for shoots, ideas for blog entries and all sorts of adventures. But I don’t think I am the type of person who can be content with just ideas. No matter how neatly filed they are.

I am immensely enjoying law school. Immensely. I realize how crazy that makes me sound, but the feeling at times is like when I’m behind the lens. When I am fully engaged in something that feels so natural and is an extension of my interests and talents. It doesn’t mean I think I’m good at it, but much like photography, I can’t suppress the urge to learn more about it.

I came across this amazing video the other day. If you have a few minutes, it’s really worth watching. It’s beautifully shot, makes you think and in my case, it makes me dream. People are always surprised when they find out I’m a law student and a serious photographer. More often then not, they’re looking to talk me out of at least one of those fields. But to me… it makes perfect sense. Photographs exist because we want to remember. We want to remember the experiences and individuals that are important to us. When you photograph a person, it is an affirmation of their inherent worth. When I photograph, I champion a cause. An individual. The value of their voice and story. It is the same passion that drives my interest in advocacy and law.

Projects like this, remind me that life is too short to do anything that you don’t love so much it hurts. Sometimes that means going to the frontiers with a camera. And sometimes it means being stubborn enough to insist that it’s possible to reconcile a dichotomy such as law and photography. :)

I hope the title of this entry doesn’t come off as overly vain, but for weeks (nay, months) I’ve been trying to think of a way of showcasing some of the enormous body of inspiration that I have come to rely on for inspiration and learning as a growing photographer. While in high school and college, I took photography classes (mostly to get to use the darkroom) and found that this was a kind of education I couldn’t get in the classroom. Most of what I learned while studying in New York, consisted of hanging out by the local camera store where I became best buddies with one of the staff, an elderly gentleman who took me under his photographic wing. Vance taught me everything I knew about lighting, working with models, and learning to see the image in my mind before clicking the shutter. That is, until I started tapping into teh intarweb for this stuff.

Since then, I can honestly say my photography has grown by leaps and bounds. Part of it is seriously studying other photographers’ work. Sometimes I’ll see images that blow my mind and challenge preconceived notions of art or push me (sometimes in envy!) to strive towards a higher standard, and to not be so easily satisfied with my work. I read voraciously and track on average at least 30 prolific photographers, who blog about their latest work, inspiration and photographic techniques, among others.

I use Google Reader as an RSS aggregator and recently figured out how to create (an RSS) page to hi-light specific articles I want to share. Pros: I don’t spam peoples’ inbox, you get to opt out with privacy, and you get all the low-down from yours truly. Cons:…. I can’t think of any. :)

If you have an RSS reader, you can add it to your reading list. Otherwise you can just check back periodically for updates like a regular blog. Heck, you can even add comments! :D

Most of what I’ll be sharing is photography related (from my reading list at large). I can’t guarantee that it will be all that’s there though :) There might be the occasional news/economics article, possibly a geeky one on the newest gadget I’m drooling over.. but by and large, it’ll be photo-inspiration worthy.

My RSS page
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add me at http://www.google.com/reader/shared/eva.y.chan

My time with the Tibetan refugees was all too short. As an ethnic Chinese, I could not imagine what it must have been like for them to have one of the “enemy” within their own walls. Perhaps the most astounding thing I experienced was the warmth and kindness of those I encountered. As devoted they are to their cause, they do not let racial prejudice cloud their judgment. There were a few conversations that were naturally, a little tense but I’m glad they happened. It was important to me to convey that this was not a taboo topic because of my race, and that there are also Chinese who stand with their cause. The following images are but a small snapshot of the “Tibetan” experience I had in Nepal.

Inside the refugee camp:

Manang women (Tibetan minority from the Himalayan mountains) with friends

Taken near Bodnath, “one of the few places in the world where Tibetan culture is accessible, vibrant and unfettered”